Activities That Should Be Acceptable First Dates

1. Eating two separate pizzas. Doesn’t even matter if you’re in the same room.

2. Silently scrolling through each other’s Instagrams and saying things like, “You been to Michigan, huh? What’s that like?” But only once every 30 minutes.

3. Mutual stretching. Just stretching next to one another so hard that one of your eyes starts twitching and your leg shakes like a dog.

4. Jousting.

5. Making a 6 foot sub sandwich together and then eating it on separate ends until you meet in the middle.

6. Watching an entire season of Spongebob Squarepants on the couch in silence.

7. You just watching me add stuff to my Amazon shopping cart and then at the end, you give me your credit card and pay for all of it and tell me I’m pretty.

8. Water balloon fight except the other person doesn’t know it’s a water balloon fight until they get to the restaurant.

9. Eating nachos by the fistful, like when you’re too impatient to dip just one pristine nacho at a time, so you dip an entire handful of nachos into cheese and then tilt your head back and unhinge your jaw.

10. Pie-eating contest.

11. Eating a gallon of ice cream in crusty sweatpants.

12. Just petting a bunch of dogs at the dog store. Not even talking to one another, just separately enjoying the tranquil gift of dog petting.