Compliments You Should Never Ever Give Another Person

“Your feet must be so strong, to hold up your entire body like that all day.”

“I bet your armpits smell so fresh, just like, super fresh and clean. I wouldn’t mind givin’ them a lil sniff.”

“I love the way I can hear you breathing from the next room. It’s like, am I in a safari? Is that an elephant? Nope! Just Sue. Breathing heavy in the next room. Keeping things alive.”

“Oh my god, you look JUST like my friend, like exactly the same, you two are practically identical, look” (and then show them a picture of your dog).

“You have the smoothest knees I have ever seen in my entire life.”

“You must get a lot of compliments about that nose of yours. I could literally rip that thing off your face and keep it in my pocket.”

“Your ear lobes are absolutely stunning, do you wash them?”

“Ugh, I wish my femurs were as as thick as yours, then I could eat as much as I wanted and I wouldn’t have to worry about collapsing.”

“Woah, your arms are crazy strong! You look like one of those squirrels they found behind the supermarket that got into the whey protein.”

“Has anyone ever told you you look like Tom Hanks’s co-star in that one movie? Ugh, what was his name? He was like one of the main guys. Watson? Walfred? Had a round face, real bloody, sticks for hair? Wilson! His name was Wilson! You look just like that guy, wow.”

“Honestly, I admire your confidence. I could never pull off whatever the fuck you wrapped around your body today.”

“I know you probably get this all the time, but your elbows are radiant.”