Traits For My Ideal Man

Able to soothe a spooked horse with only a gentle whisper.

Can carve a ham, blindfolded, and with both hands bound behind his back. Also, he should be able to season the ham and baste the ham and cook the ham. Or any kind of holiday meat. Really just the ability to make me a meal is important, but also the hands behind the back thing.

Knows how to make a macaron that is both crispy and chewy.

Can predict the weather with 97% accuracy, or greater than Al Roker.

Knows that the first thing to check any restaurant menu for is macaroni n cheese.

Able to birth a newborn foal and give it a beautiful name that means something deep and passionate and raise it to adulthood and treat it fairly and humanely and, on its death bed, kiss it gently and hold it as it passes softly into its next life.

Can blow a sick bubble of chewing gum.

Knows the correct amount of pressure to apply when scratching an itch on my back.

Could theoretically solve a series of 2,000-year-old cryptic clues left by the Illuminati in famous works of art that might collectively hold the secret to a radical religious mystery.

Able to crack a walnut clean in half with only his butt cheeks. (required)