Unimportant Things That Make Me Angry But Shouldn’t

Bananas that are perfectly yellow on the outside but then you open them and they’re brown.

The pre-ejaculate that comes out of the ketchup bottle before the ketchup.

Birds that can’t even talk, even though parrots learned like decades ago.

EYE CRUST???

When the ice cream is too hard and it bends the spoon when you try to scoop.

Really sharp boogers.

The water that collects on top of yogurt after a while and then what? You just have to stir it into the yogurt? Or walk all the way back to the kitchen and pour it out? What am I supposed to do with this yogurt jizz?

The uneven spoon-to-yogurt-cup weight ratio.

Re-chargeable batteries that just run out and then you can’t even charge them again?

People who say they don’t like mayonnaise. (Like. You like it. You know you like it. Stop lying.)

The really skinny carrots in the bag of carrots?

The one slice of bread that’s not the end slice of bread but the one right after the end slice that’s still basically a bitch piece of bread.

Onions in salad.