Hot Guy Hotness By Location

Book Store: Positive hot points if they’re wearing cute tortoise-shell glasses and are carrying a book that weighs more than 10 pounds. Negative hot points if they sound like that guy in class who’s only read the first ten pages but really wants participation points.

Whole Foods: Positive hot points if they look like they’re here because they care about being healthy. Extra hot points if they look like they rushed here after work to make you dinner. Negative hot points if they’re one of those people who don’t use deodorant because of the chemicals.

Performing On The Subway: Positive hot points only if they’re singing a song I like.

Porta-Potty: Negative hot points for pooping.

Walking Too Slow In Front Of Me: Negative hot points for getting in my way.

Walking Too Slow In Front Of Me But They Have A Great Butt: Positive hot points for that cake.

Urban Outfitters: Negative hot points for shopping at Urban Outfitters. Positive hot points if they’re so hot that I literally can’t even process the clothes they’re wearing.

Serving Me Food: Positive hot points for attending to my needs.

In My Bed: Positive hot points for meeting me in my sanctuary. Even more positive hot points if accompanied with ice cream.