1. Be the recipient of that thing that Oprah does where she takes both of your hands and shakes them in the air and in that moment, it’ll just be the two of us and nobody else in the world.
2. Take a shot with Beyoncé at a fancy event. Or, like, my birthday party. (Which, to be fair, will likely be a fancy event.)
3. Write a New York Times best-selling book. Maybe even two.
4. Be on the cover of a major magazine in a bunch of expensive clothes that someone with more fashion sense than me puts me in.
5. Have a one-on-one coffee with Anna Wintour and survive.
6. Skinny arm with Harry Styles, preferably by his personal request.
7. Get invited back to Northwestern, where I graduated, to give the commencement address. Say something funny but also profound that gets turned into some iconic commencement address quote that struggling students will read one day and be like, “woah, this guy.”
8. Be photographed by Annie Leibovitz.
9. Travel all over, but especially London, Paris, Berlin and Australia. Live in one of those places for at least a short time and have a romantic fling that ends in heartbreak and possibly a five-time platinum album.
10. Skinny arm with both Meryl Streep and Hillary Clinton, preferably at once, but separately if necessary.
11. Dance with Ellen.
12. Get invited to the Met Gala, the Golden Globes, and the Academy Awards, (preferably as a nominee, but I’ll also take “as a rich, fancy, talented guest”).
13. Attend a private dinner with the President of the United States, as long as they’re not terrible.
14. Write a TV pilot. Maybe get it made. Whatever, just write it.
15. Be a part of the group hug at the end of Saturday Night Live.
16. Marry a guy that I love and get him pregnant. Buy a house together where we can host Thanksgiving dinner. Also have a place where we summer with clear water and a private beach where I can take off my pants.
17. Be truly happy with how I look and not just “yeah, whatever” about it, but like “damn, girl, you look good” about it.
18. Do something extravagant and beautiful for my parents where they’ll be like “woah, this is too much” and I’ll be like “nothing is too much for you” and then they’ll cry.
19. Personally heal the feud between Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell.
20. Recognize that you can’t make everyone happy, but try to make people as happy as you can. Stay positive, even when it’s easy to go negative. Be a force for good whenever you can be.
21. Make someone laugh so hard they literally piss themselves.